Violence is rare. Even those who seek it might encounter only a few hours of direct and active violence
For of the rest of us, a few minutes could shape the rest of our life. Better prepare.
That’s from the 2011 self-defense book Facing Violence by Rory Miller, a longtime corrections officer who worked in Iraqi prisons and developed self-defense training courses.
Miller has a vibe and a viewpoint, including personal stories alongside tactical advice. This book is a philosophical and practical guide that would be a good accompaniment to self-defense training. The book’s chapters are the seven stages that he identifies are part of navigating violence. Those stages:
- Legal and ethical frameworks
- Violence dynamics
- Avoidance
- Counter ambush
- Breaking the freeze
- The fight itself
- The aftermath
Below I share my notes for future reference.
My notes:
- “You may use the minimum level of force that you reasonably believe is necessary to safely resolve the situation” — law enforcement has a responsibility to intervene but everyone else should prioritize leaving first
- A true “threat “ needs intent, means, opportunity (IMO) and preclusion (you couldn’t leave)
- “Once the intent, means or opportunity is gone, you are no longer defending yourself”
- “Self defense is about defending your body, not your pride”
- Bad is hurting someone to get what you want; evil is hurting someone even without wanting something
- Develop your ethics on violence to avoid freezing in the moment
- Beliefs (what’s true) drive values (what important) drive morals (what’s right and wrong) lead to ethics (the rules we make)
- “If someone disagrees with you at the belief level, you cannot convince him or her at any higher level”
- Take the opportunity to slaughter an animal to feel that loss of life (a “vaccination” against freezing during human violence
- When clearing a building, he would tell himself: “slow is smooth, smooth is fast”
- Types of “social violence”: monkey dance (dominance), group monkey dance (in group status, reminiscent of former hunting tribes), educational beat down and status seeking show or territory defense
- Asocial violence attacks the victim as a resource
- Of asocial violence: resource predator (wants cash, so violence is a means) versus process predator (wants to rape, so the violence is the end)
- “You have to understand violence dynamics before learning how to avoid violent situations. The things that might discourage a predator might trigger a Monkey Dance-you need to correctly read the situation you are in. You need to be able to recognize when you have crossed a border and are in a place with different rules in order to avoid the Educational Beat Down. You need to be able to distinguish between a Resource Predator and a Process Predator before you decide whether to give up what the predator wants.”
- Avoid violence: absence, escape and evasion; de-escalation
- “It is better to avoid than to run, better to run than to de-escalate, better to de-escalate than to fight, better to fight than to die”
- Evaluate your day not as prey but as predator: where are your weak points and ambush zones
- The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker in 1997: trust your instincts
- The “negative reward” of intuition is hard to train because the stimulus is avoided (not getting ambushed in the dark alley)
- Focus on what you’re doing not why you’re doing it: flee safely and toward safety. Nothing half-assed: fight or flight, do it entirely
- Pay attention: it makes life richer and keeps you safer
- Japanese swordsman Musashi’s famous 1645 book advises “become acquainted with every art”
- This book has some outdated gender tone, which he reinforces more reflects how the world works, but it mostly reads as realpolitic. He does guide men to listen to women whose intuition about other is likely apt (“borrow intuition”)
- Identify when you are out of your context and keep your mouth shut until you learn more
- Marc MacYoung: many low-level Group Monkey dance comes with instructions (leave now or.. apologize or…), so just follow the instructions
- He notes that all the dynamics also happen in offices but with less violence — bad bosses chew people out publicly because they’re insecure so they are status seeking
- Social violence mostly against men; predator violence mostly against women
- In author’s “Meditations on Violence” he wrote about avoiding “hooks,” or a way in for whatever kind of threat. (What are you looking at? Sorry I didn’t know I was staring. Just tired from work. How are you doing?”
- “Social violence is sexist. Our culture has progressed but violence has not. These patterns evolved in a world of primate group survival.”
- De-escalation doesn’t work for predators; charm predators just must be avoided being alone with
- Marc MacYoung: “escalato”
- Unrealistic to not let strangers enter your 5-foot circle, but you can greet them, size them up (quick scan), and get yourself in a good stable position. Not necessarily for battle but to send a message.
- For men, you might have to guess: is this a prospective ape/monkey (for dominance, so they want audience) or a lion/predator (for resources, they don’t want witnesses )
- Keep it moving when approached; always keep it moving
- When dealing with “special cases” like someone on drugs or psychosis: don’t challenge delusions but don’t pretend either (I can’t see the blue men right now so let’s focus on what we both see): use positive do strategies not don’t (do walk on sidewalk)
- An Oregon’s state mental hospital staffer: those faking mental illness try to act crazy, real mentally ill people try to act normal
- Hostage situation: personalize yourself and minimize differences with the threat; identify a face-saving exit for the hostage taker
- A fight is two people trying to hurt each other; an assault is one person trying to hurt another
- Colonel John Boyd: the OODA loop from the 1970s
- Operant conditioning, or developing artificial reflexes is a staple of self-defense training. Martial arts have many responses to many different kinds of attacks. “Batch stimuli” is simplifying the response to a few angle of attacks (from the front, from behind, from above)
- Palm heel to the face is effective for amateurs in defensive. “Dracula’s Cape” and spearhead are other trained moves
- Dave Grossman: fight, flight, freeze, posture (sending aggressive signals) or submit
- Fighting not bodies but minds: To avoid many kinds of violence, you’re job is convincing the predator that you’re not worth it
- If killing won wars, we’d be using bows and arrows – which were faster than early muskets but the smoke and sound intimidated
- Mauricio Machuca: capability and capacity
- “Developed the habit of doing unpleasant things quickly and without hesitation”
- “The interview” when a threat gets information on target
- When involved in violent self defense and the police arrive, let witnesses speak and say you’re in shock, and want to call your partner (who can contact an attorney). Just don’t describe the scene to police without your bearings straight.
- Psychological aftermath alongside civil and criminal — the civil suit is comming